Posts from — June 2003

At the Pride Parade yesterday, the Supreme Court-themed float made up for the fact that my favorite parade attraction ever–the Gigantic Jewel Shopping Cart–was empty this year. Nobody rode in it! Why was it not full of the gay? Oh, well.

I neglected to mention that some of these questions were thoughtfully provided by Pinky, who is additionally a fine drinking companion.

I meant to answer a bunch of these yesterday, but Blogger took all day to upgrade stuff.

That radio site said something about you having a column in BUST?
Starting with the Fall issue I’ll be doing the pop culture column for BUST magazine. I am the Pop Tart! I think I get to wear a fancy cape.

If you had an unlimited budget to buy beauty products, what would you run right out and buy?
Lots and lots of cream eyeshadow. Any kind: I don’t have any kind of brand loyalty whatsoever. I just really like cream eyeshadow because it’s easy to put on and you don’t need a brush, because frankly I’m kind of retarded when it comes to stuff like that.

If you could painlessly kill anyone in the world, who would it be? They wouldn’t suffer a bit, and you wouldn’t be caught.
Amanda Bynes. I can’t tell you why she needs to die but a little voice inside me keeps telling me that she must.

Do you still have your Hello Kitty toaster? Yes.� Does it toast both sides of the bread like that? No.� Do you know where I might�get one? Maybe.

I want to party with the Scientologists and wear bad wigs with the Scientologists and knock over convenience stores with the Scientologists. How do I get started? If I slam my hand in a car door will the Scientologists come for me? I hope so!

(The book starts here. Read it. Read every page.)

If you live in or visit or even remotely think about Chicago you really ought to get addicted to reading Gapers’ Block.

I just heard the news: Tong’s is gone. Gone! It was the best place ever to have really awful pictures of yourself taken. I can’t believe it. What kind of god would destroy the place where I sang karaoke for the very first time?

Okay, don’t answer that.

What is the first movie you loved?
I’m thinking it’s probably Wizard of Oz. Every year around Easter they’d show it on TV and I distinctly recall getting very stressed out when the movie began in black and white, because I knew it was supposed to be in color and therefore something was very wrong, like our television was suddenly broken or else the people at the TV station were messing things up, or maybe I had just imagined all that Technicolor the year before. I would stand there and watch warily, and when Dorothy finally opened that one door and walked into the full-color Land of Oz it was a huge fucking relief.

Madonna or Cyndi Lauper?
I’d rather Cyndi were my friend, but Madonna probably gives better presents.

Real tan or fake n’ bake?
Whatever I can get, provided it doesn’t make me look like a Coach purse.

Some actual answers are coming soon. And I’m still taking questions.

What is your view on the following statement: “There is a fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness’”
Well, if the line happened to be embroidered with human hair then I’d have to agree. Otherwise, though, I’m not sure how to answer this.

What are your top five movies to watch when you’re hungover?
This is entirely a hypothetical situation for me. First, I don’t really have a movie collection, and second, I’m such a twitchy control freak about my free time that for me to willingly submit to more than two hours of watching movies alone would require a hangover so profound that I wouldn’t exactly be skipping out to the video store; I’d just have to lie in my comfy chair and watch cable.

I would, however, vaguely hope that either Mommie Dearest or Blazing Saddles would be on at some point.

What happened between you and Professor….oh, what, you didn’t think we’d remember?
Um, yeah, I was hoping you wouldn’t. There’s a long answer and a short answer for this. The long answer includes lots of strange and probably not very well informed speculation that is of no use to anyone else, especially not the people who know P. in real life and may read this site sometimes.

The short answer is “I don’t know.” I probably never will.

What is your blogging software of choice?
I am not techinically proficient enough to make an informed choice about such things. But if I were I would probably choose Moveable Type.

You want a bigger one?
This is spam.

I’ve decided that as part of my Remembering I Have a Blog efforts I will take my cue from Gwen and John Kusch and God knows who else is doing this interview meme thing. So: send me questions you’d like to see me answer, and I’ll give at least some of them my best shot.

Here are my guidelines: 1.) Send up to three questions. It’s fine if you have just one. 2.) Try to keep the scope of the questions manageable. Like I’m not going to take on something like “What’s your philosophy about body image?” 3.) Stupid questions are welcome.